Outraged Illustrator is Outraged By Outrageousness!
The voice on the other end sounded weary, distracted and slightly sinister. "Um, I'm looking for Steve Wacksman"
"You found him-"
"Oh,,,hi. Uh, my name is Lefty Romaine*and I'm calling from Chunks* magazine. We're a new food mag..."
I'll spare you the blow by blow and hack publishing boilerplate about how Chunks* mag is different form any other of the myriad food rags littering the racks. I did my best to sound interested and toyed with injecting a touch of intrigued.
The pitch: "We'd love it if you'd do a piece for our upcoming issue".
Great, I think...here's a chance to get a foot in the door while this baby's still on the ground floor.
Then the zinger:
4 x 5" horizontal.
Sketches: Wed PM
Finish: Fri AM
I couldn't help myself - " Two hundred?! Is that EARTH dollars?"
Lefty gave me the ol' "We're all in this boat together-we're just getting started- this could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship" rap. I've herad this millions of times- it used to be " this'll be good for your portfolio" or "I'm not gonna be at 'plumbing today' forever - I'm going places and I'll take you with me".
Mister Romaine, I'm sure you had the best intentions and really wanted to work with me and you've been a fan forever, but I've got mouths to feed. Well, I have MY mouth to feed, and your offering of a sock full of dusty nickels is barely gonna accomplish that ( I have a healthy appetite, so what?). So to you ( and those like you who seem to have a real knack for finding me) I say:
Good Day, Sir.